No title.....just rambling as usual....

I had a list of thngs to write about from the past few weeks....but I have put that list somewhere in my room, quite possibly on the floor, and considering I can't actually see my floor at the moment there probably isn't a high chance of me finding that list....!

Camping at Wilsons prom last week was probably one of the best times I have ever had. Who would have thought something as simple as sleeping in a tent, drinking too much and seeing wombats would be so much fun? No seriously, it was more than that. I haven't really had break from work in ages, and I haven't had a break from planning my trip either. So it was nice just to chill out for a few days and do something completely different.

One thing that was really awesome about camping was seeing all the stars. I know that sounds quite lame, but it really was amazing. Hayley, Jimmy and I went down to the beach one night at about Midnight and just lay on the beach looking at the stars. It was crazy, you could see millions of them for miles. Being a bit of city girl (but not really because I live in Montrose), I don't ever remember seeing anything like it. It was funny, we'd downed quite a number of drinks by that stage, and I was getting to that "I'm so drunk and I need to say whats on my mind" stage, and found myself saying to the guys "Wow, what if I never come home? I'm never going to see stars like this again". To which Jimmy replied "Your not moving to a new univerese, they have stars in Asia too".

After I laughed at my drunken statement, began to think about what Jimmy said. He was right, I'm not moving to a new universe, but I might aswell be. One thing that has come to light over the past couple of weeks is how difficult this trip really is going to be. I mean, lets be honest, I'm exactly taking the easy road here am I? Some of these places are almost third world countries, filled with people who will never see what I have or what I will see in my life. People who I will never be able to understand, verbally and emotionally. I think & I hope that this trip will be a really big eye opener for me.

Anyway....on to other things.....!

Trip planning stuff has been pretty intense this past week. I came from Wilsons Prom to an email from my travel agent organising my Russian Visa saying that I couldn't apply for my Visa more than 3 months in advance....which sent me into shock mode. I spent thursday, friday, saturday & sunday freaking out and trying to work out a way to get into russia. I swear I didn't eat or sleep for those days. Anyway, come monday we had it all sorted so I applied for my visa this morning...fingers crossed it comes through in the next 12 days.

I have keep sending my passport off in the post over the next 6 weeks to get my Russian, Mongolian, Chinese, Vietnemese and Cambodian visas sorted. Everything has just crept up s god damn quick....!

I sold my car yesterday which is great....gives me a bit of a boost for my savings for the trip. Plus public transport vs. paying petrol at the moment means I should be saving more money now than ever.....

Anyway...I think that covers everything that may have been on my list for now.

Later,

Jess

Anxiety & The Workings Of The Human Mind....

Ok, so the title is probably a little more in depth than what I am anticipating writing about....however it seemed somewhat appropriate for some reason.

First off, I would like to apoligise for the lack of updates....my intetion was to update my blog on new years eve. But when I got home, I was sick as a dog for some unknown reason so the pos never eventuated.

Anyway, onto other things.....

Today, it is exactly 9 weeks until I leave. Starting to get closer now. To be honest with you, I am actualy starting to get a little stressed out about the whole thing. Ive had people commenting for the past 3 or 4 weeks that I have been losing weight, which was not intentional and I didn't even notice...Ive been pulling my hair out tring to work out why Ive been losing this wieght, I realised I have probably been stressing more than normal about the whole thing. Plus I've had some other shit on my mind too, which doesn't help. But I'm actually starting to panic a little bit about the trip...

It's somewhat amusing, because as I have sat here for the past week trying to work out what it is I am actually nervous about, its all fallen back to one thing. Its not the travel side of things, the language barrier, the un safe areas. No its none of that......

Its actually me I'm nervous about.

I know I'm going to change on this trip. I know it. I know i'm gong to become a different person, because your surronds influence the way you think about things....and I'm going to be surrounded by some pretty surreal things. In my previous post I wrote about how happy I am with myself, and the person I am. But I know I'm going to change......a bit of a catch 22 really.....

I have a lot of questions within myself about my life that I need to answer. I know they are questions that no one else can answer for me....questions I can only answer when I'm ready to be completely honest with myself. I guess you can't be honest with other people like your friends and family until you are completely honest with yourself. I hope that this is something that I can begin to do while I'm travelling.

The whole concept is petrifying though. The idea that you are happy as you are....but knowing that you will change. Although that chane will surely be for the better, what if other people don' accept it? I guess that means they were never really your friends in the first place....but still. It doesn't change the fact you still want them to be a part of your life.

What amazes me is what anxiety and stress can make a person do. I mean, I'm only a little bit stressed and I have lost nearly 5 kilos. Imagine what could happen if I got really stressed. There has been some nights where I have woken myself up from some kind of anxious pain in my stomach and my mind. I guess I just didn't know what to associate it with...

I dont know....maybe I'm just reading to much into my thoughts again. Which is what I do every now and then.

Anyway.....I'm going to stop there before this gets wayyyyy to indepth.....!!!

I'm off camping on Monday with Hayley & Amy which should be good fun. I went out and bought a new tent and everything..... Should be a laugh anyway...and good to get away for a few days from my brain and its stupid thoughts.......!!!

I will attempt to update when I get back. As this trip gets closer, theres going to be more and more going through my head....so these posts should start to get interesting. Stay tuned....

Cheers,
Jess