Ok, so the title is probably a little more in depth than what I am anticipating writing about....however it seemed somewhat appropriate for some reason.
First off, I would like to apoligise for the lack of updates....my intetion was to update my blog on new years eve. But when I got home, I was sick as a dog for some unknown reason so the pos never eventuated.
Anyway, onto other things.....
Today, it is exactly 9 weeks until I leave. Starting to get closer now. To be honest with you, I am actualy starting to get a little stressed out about the whole thing. Ive had people commenting for the past 3 or 4 weeks that I have been losing weight, which was not intentional and I didn't even notice...Ive been pulling my hair out tring to work out why Ive been losing this wieght, I realised I have probably been stressing more than normal about the whole thing. Plus I've had some other shit on my mind too, which doesn't help. But I'm actually starting to panic a little bit about the trip...
It's somewhat amusing, because as I have sat here for the past week trying to work out what it is I am actually nervous about, its all fallen back to one thing. Its not the travel side of things, the language barrier, the un safe areas. No its none of that......
Its actually me I'm nervous about.
I know I'm going to change on this trip. I know it. I know i'm gong to become a different person, because your surronds influence the way you think about things....and I'm going to be surrounded by some pretty surreal things. In my previous post I wrote about how happy I am with myself, and the person I am. But I know I'm going to change......a bit of a catch 22 really.....
I have a lot of questions within myself about my life that I need to answer. I know they are questions that no one else can answer for me....questions I can only answer when I'm ready to be completely honest with myself. I guess you can't be honest with other people like your friends and family until you are completely honest with yourself. I hope that this is something that I can begin to do while I'm travelling.
The whole concept is petrifying though. The idea that you are happy as you are....but knowing that you will change. Although that chane will surely be for the better, what if other people don' accept it? I guess that means they were never really your friends in the first place....but still. It doesn't change the fact you still want them to be a part of your life.
What amazes me is what anxiety and stress can make a person do. I mean, I'm only a little bit stressed and I have lost nearly 5 kilos. Imagine what could happen if I got really stressed. There has been some nights where I have woken myself up from some kind of anxious pain in my stomach and my mind. I guess I just didn't know what to associate it with...
I dont know....maybe I'm just reading to much into my thoughts again. Which is what I do every now and then.
Anyway.....I'm going to stop there before this gets wayyyyy to indepth.....!!!
I'm off camping on Monday with Hayley & Amy which should be good fun. I went out and bought a new tent and everything..... Should be a laugh anyway...and good to get away for a few days from my brain and its stupid thoughts.......!!!
I will attempt to update when I get back. As this trip gets closer, theres going to be more and more going through my head....so these posts should start to get interesting. Stay tuned....
Cheers,
Jess
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